About Me

I have been married for 4 years and I have a 3 year old son. We just moved from Illinois to Tennessee. Too much to go into as to why we left but times were hard and my family lives out here and my husband was able to transfer his job here. So it seemed like a good place to be for awhile and plus we are close to my family who I have not lived close to in years. We have been here for 6 months and financially things seem to be getting better.

We were expecting our second child in August and last week at our check up for the baby there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing, it was my first miscarriage. I can't describe the total loss I felt even though I was only 2 months along. Since I did not lose the baby naturally and I was given the option to go home and see if my body would do so I just could not handle waiting around for that happen. So the doctor schedule to remove the baby the next day. I cried for hours and hours that day, I cried until I went to bed and had to be up at 5:30 for the surgery. I tried to keep it together that morning because I knew once I started crying there would be no end in sight. They put you in a light sleep of which I awoke sobbing because even though it brought closure it also brought finality that I no longer had a baby.

I don't know when you are suppose to get over these things, I don't cry as much because I do have a beautiful child to take care of at home. I tear up now typing about it and when I look at the ultrasound. I am going to put it away eventually but it is my motivation to better myself. Even though the doctor told me it was not my body that was wrong but something wrong with the baby I still can't help but feel the lack of care I have put into my body had something to do with it. Whether it did or not I know I need to be healthier for myself, my family, and will hopefully make the next time I try to get pregnant easier on my body. I jokingly told everyone I thought it was a girl because this pregnancy felt so different from the first, I will never know but in my mind I think of the baby has Hope or Faith because you have to have a lot of both to try again.

I weighed myself on Monday and I weighed in at 208 some of this weight I gained during my pregnancy because during those two months I seemed to be packing on the weight at a much faster rate. I am 5'4 maybe pushing 5'5, either way though I am overweight and I can feel it my body. My back hurts all the time along with my feet. I never seem to have any energy which when you have a rambunctious 3 year old at home that is beyond disappointing. I will post my weight each Monday and if I happen to get any followers who want to know what I'm doing I will be glad to post but I don't want to bore those who might be stopping by with a play by play of everything I'm doing.

I want to try and leave each post with a positive quote: Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
- Lance Armstrong