Weigh In

So today I weigh 204.6 so I am happy about that, however I know it could of been more but weekends kill me. I don't know what it is it's like there is a switch in my mind that says do great all week and then eat like crap all weekend. It's not just a one day thing it's both days. I think it's either because I think I did good I deserve a treat and take it too far or I'm use to going out on the weekends with friends or family and going out and doing things which usually involves eating bad or drinking. I don't know what it is for sure but I def need to find a way to not lose control so bad.

I am also going to measure myself maybe not every week because there prob won't be too much of a difference but maybe once a month. I will keep this short because one I am sore and two it's been another hard day. I found out my sister's due date is June 1st the day before my birthday and it's just hard talking about it with her because I am still hurting and because I worry about the life she is bringing the baby into. I don't want to go into details but let's just leave it at it is not a good situation. All I can hope is things get better for her and I continue on the path of healing and helping myself. 

When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap.  You worked hard and you deserve the compliment!  ~Jillian Michaels

Hard day

Today was a hard day. I had to go back to the Dr. and make sure physically my body was healing from the surgery, which it is. I knew today was going to be painful even though I did my best to pretend I was okay, but seeing all the pregnant ladies and some of them with their babies was just really upsetting. I had to go in the bathroom to lets some tears out without anyone seeing me. I guess the good news is I can try again in a few months but we will have to wait and see if we are ready.

I know I am an emotional eater so today was one of those day I found myself eating too much and not that great. It's def not the worst I have ever ate but it def wasn't good. Trying not to beat myself up over it but at least I exercised which I really did not feel like doing. I know tomorrow will be a better day. It is hard to feel sad as I mentioned before having my son around he makes me laugh and extremely happy. However he makes me extremely frustrated mainly with the potty training. I know he gets it but he is fighting me on doing it and I just wish I knew what the magical thing would be to help him I am def tired of spending money on pullups.

Enough about that though this is suppose to be a blog about weight loss for the most part. I'm going to share a drink that I try to have at least once a day even though I find it beyond gross. It makes me laugh every time I drink it because it's not that great and I don't know if actually does anything.  I was going to follow The Carb Lover's Diet and have the pocket guide but I am way too picky with my food to actually follow something that has meal guidelines. So supposedly there is a fat flushing cocktail that says it taste great and could POSSIBLY burn off an extra 80 calories a day. Like I said I don't know if it works and I think it taste like lemon and nothing else but if you want to give it a try........2 quarts(8 cups) brewed green tea, juice from one orange, juice from one lemon, and juice from one lime. Mix all ingredients in a pitcher. Store in fridge for up to 3 days. I assume it's suppose to taste kinda fruity but it taste like lemon...so enjoy!

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Whose that doggy in the window

My husband and I had a dog named Archie. The sweetest most loveable and quite possibly the most grumbling barking dog.  Long story short we had to give him to my mom and step dad to take for awhile with the intention to take him back. A year goes by and we finally make our way here and it seems he has gotten quite attached to them and their other dog Shelby. I can't really blame him he always seemed like he needed a companion and we were happy that he was so happy. So he will continue to live with them unless for some reason he makes them want to pull their hair out with all the constant licking and need to be sitting on someone at all times.

We know we want a dog, we enjoy having a pet and I think having a pet does help teach your kids responsibility. I am also hoping it will help me heal. While everyday gets a little easier and I know in time the pain will go away I feel like having a dog will help me. I don't really know how to explain why so I'm just going to go with it. Plus we figure bringing a dog in before a baby will be much easier than vice versa.

I'm trying to find a balance of not giving so much up at once that I make myself insane and yet not eating all the bad things I normally do. I guess weaning myself is the only way to go. Soda is one of my enemies, I really love Dr. Pepper and Coke and it truly isn't for the caffeine I like drinking it which makes it hard to give up. So I'm going to have one every couple days versus everyday until hopefully it can be a once a month thing. Sweets are my other thing, I love my chocolate and a lot of it is I am emotional eater so I have a very unhealthy relationship with sweets. I can find myself snacking on them all day long. So instead of having nothing in the house where I would make myself crazy and then give into my cravings in a really big bad way I made a chocolate poke cake. It is very good, very moist, and makes me slow down and really enjoy it which keeps me from going back for more.

I just hope I can keep up with what I have been doing because I really jumped in. Everyday has been a healthy well balanced meals and snacks, minus the cake but I snacked less since I had a piece. I have also worked out everyday. I was going to give myself the weekends off but I know I tend to eat worse on the weekends mostly because that's when all the errands are run. So for now Sunday will be my day of rest. It's hard to get in the mood to exercise but doing something fun like the Just Dance 3 game really helps.

I'm hoping to look for a dog in the next couple weeks and a friend from IL may be coming to visit at the end of this month or early Feb and I know that will be good for everyone's spirit.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."

    -Roger Caras

About Me

I have been married for 4 years and I have a 3 year old son. We just moved from Illinois to Tennessee. Too much to go into as to why we left but times were hard and my family lives out here and my husband was able to transfer his job here. So it seemed like a good place to be for awhile and plus we are close to my family who I have not lived close to in years. We have been here for 6 months and financially things seem to be getting better.

We were expecting our second child in August and last week at our check up for the baby there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing, it was my first miscarriage. I can't describe the total loss I felt even though I was only 2 months along. Since I did not lose the baby naturally and I was given the option to go home and see if my body would do so I just could not handle waiting around for that happen. So the doctor schedule to remove the baby the next day. I cried for hours and hours that day, I cried until I went to bed and had to be up at 5:30 for the surgery. I tried to keep it together that morning because I knew once I started crying there would be no end in sight. They put you in a light sleep of which I awoke sobbing because even though it brought closure it also brought finality that I no longer had a baby.

I don't know when you are suppose to get over these things, I don't cry as much because I do have a beautiful child to take care of at home. I tear up now typing about it and when I look at the ultrasound. I am going to put it away eventually but it is my motivation to better myself. Even though the doctor told me it was not my body that was wrong but something wrong with the baby I still can't help but feel the lack of care I have put into my body had something to do with it. Whether it did or not I know I need to be healthier for myself, my family, and will hopefully make the next time I try to get pregnant easier on my body. I jokingly told everyone I thought it was a girl because this pregnancy felt so different from the first, I will never know but in my mind I think of the baby has Hope or Faith because you have to have a lot of both to try again.

I weighed myself on Monday and I weighed in at 208 some of this weight I gained during my pregnancy because during those two months I seemed to be packing on the weight at a much faster rate. I am 5'4 maybe pushing 5'5, either way though I am overweight and I can feel it my body. My back hurts all the time along with my feet. I never seem to have any energy which when you have a rambunctious 3 year old at home that is beyond disappointing. I will post my weight each Monday and if I happen to get any followers who want to know what I'm doing I will be glad to post but I don't want to bore those who might be stopping by with a play by play of everything I'm doing.

I want to try and leave each post with a positive quote: Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
- Lance Armstrong

What this blog is about

I like stories of when times get hard you find a way to persevere. They give me hope that things aren't really as bad as they seem and they give me faith when I watch other succeed in what seems like a never ending uphill battle.  I guess that is also why I like the butterfly it has to fight it's way out of the cocoon and it cannot be helped or else it will not finish its transition but when it does it is one of the most beautiful creatures to look at.

I want to share a little about my life somewhat anonymously, what my life trials have been. I don't want this to be a depressing blog, after all the point of having a hard time is making it through. I hope by sharing my stories it helps others and I would love to build a readership of those who can encourage others and want to share bits and pieces of their life. I know the things I have faced may seem small in comparison to so many other so please don't read to judge me and think this is about a poor pitiful me story, it won't be.

This will eventually turn into what I hope will be a weight loss success story as this blog moves forward. I need somewhere I can talk about some aspects of my life that I need to heal over in order to help me move forward as a better mother, wife, and friend. So let's begin with a little about me.......